guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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