i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize