Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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