Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
