you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
