a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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