you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
