i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
