tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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