you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
