So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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