Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
