I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize