Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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