well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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