last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
