If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
