She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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