At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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