i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
