i just identified you from a description of your pipe
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
