My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize