I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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