recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
