If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
