I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
