hell yes lets make some ravioli
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize