i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize