When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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