she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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