never play flip cup with pint glasses
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i think i just lost a toe
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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