dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
