i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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