So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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