I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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