Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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