Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
