I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
