Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
birth control should be required to get into college
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
