What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
