My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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