Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
