I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
