You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
did i walk over a car last night?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
