Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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