I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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