My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She's the barista slut.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
