pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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