Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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