I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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