i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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