You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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