Nicole vs. Life
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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