I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Your cock deserves a montage
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
