Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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