I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
