fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
