I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
