I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
