Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
