you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
