After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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