I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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