The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
