At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
barbara walters just said penis...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
