I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
How's work?
Spinning.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
