giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
