i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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