It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
i out mim tonsoeep
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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