she woke up with a sticky ear
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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