Where is the hickey?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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